Today, finally after several weeks of being lost in the chaos of life, I find my muse. She, he, it has been hiding. I would see only glimpses of the familiar come in and out of focus with every stroke of paint, only to be lost again in fog of indecision. I find myself in this state time and time again, after life events happen. I lose my way and I cannot focus on my art, it takes a back seat to problems of illness, children coming home, life shattering news, and often times fits and bouts of extreme happiness or elation, often it is not the event just my response. These are the times when I find myself questioning not only my worth as an artist, but also my direction and intent in my work. I become disjointed from all that is and has been my world, and fall headlong into what I like to call the purgatory of depression. I know I am in a bad place, but just simply cannot find my way out, but somehow I know there is redemption in the sanity of waiting it out. There is something so important in the waiting, it is a time of stepping back and taking a long hard look at life. Today I am free and out of depression purgatory and back into my familiar self again. It feels good and new again. I probably should not post this kind of thing; but somehow I am quite sure it will ring with a deafening clarity to other artists and I think we all like a bit company in our despair, it lets us know we are not alone.
That being said I am back racking up layers of paint on canvas in a distillation process of finding the figure in shape and form. Oddly enough the desperation painting, I have done over the past two weeks has rendered me with a much more thoughtful eye to what is needed, and more importantly what is not in my work. There has been much fervent overpainting in the studio and clawing and scratching of canvas, but it has given way now to a meditative, more assured application of pigment that is not only healing the wounds left on the canvas from the past few weeks but giving it a new life. These are the days that I love.
Here is the most current work on canvas…It is an amalgamation of two series I have been working on, the dark Alice series and the manipulation series. See if you can find the connections of the two….here is a hint : the title is Shadow Puppets……